Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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