u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
