I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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