It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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