while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
