dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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