I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
