In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
