What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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