oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
People in love make me want to vomit
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize