Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
