Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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