He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She told me I should be a condom model.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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