Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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