Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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