Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize