areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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