grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize