he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
