wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
