When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
