I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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