pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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