I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
