I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
