Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's the barista slut.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
