we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
