My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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