i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Everything about him screamed your future.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
