Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
