We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
