Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
