i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
how drunk are you?
Several
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
