I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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