Cold hands, warm shart.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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