I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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