just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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