Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
