Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
