Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
