so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
