Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
