I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
