well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
