Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
