i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
