So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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