i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize