Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
