I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
