So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
