you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
