Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
