You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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