And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
