im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She announced her abortion via fbk
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
