his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
