You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
