Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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