Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
