she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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