What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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