If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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