If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
