I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
