She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
