Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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