R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
