the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
