if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
