the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize